A Badge of Bravery

Suffering has a way of opening up our hearts, increasing our capacity for love. Danna and Adam's love for their kids is tangible, and so beautiful. It fills their whole house, and is contagious. I left our session with a renewed resolve to love more, and love better.  And that's something I can always always use! 

When Danna contacted me about her session, she told me about her sweet little Nyla Jane and her complications with eating. NJ was born unable to swallow, and after lots of tests and procedures and more stress than anyone should have to endure, she was given feeding tubes. Those feeding tubes are her lifeline. Because her future is somewhat uncertain right now, Danna really wants to live in the moment, and document everything about her at this age. Her sweet, spunky personality, how full of life she is, and the love they all share. 

Because of frequent surgeries and hospitalizations, everyday "normal" life at home is a luxury for this family. I'm so grateful that I was able to document what their precious time together looks like.

Danna has written so many beautiful things about Nyla Jane--promoting feeding tube awareness. I wanted to share it all, but this one hit me the hardest. I think it's a message we all need.

"This is my message- please SEE our girl. See her. These tubes, button, cables, IV poles, monitors, are most assuredly NOT her. We want others to see all the things that she IS. I love when people come and want to talk about her- even something as superficial as her curls, or her walk. Even her dress. And yes, truly, including her feeding tube. But, As you look past her external differences, you'll see HER. And isn't this what we all want in life? People to see past our crooked teeth, the scar next to your eyebrow. Even to see past our moments of impatience, our weirdness, wherever we lack. We just want to be seen. We each want someone to see the kindness behind our eyes. The way we can be funny, and a good friend. We want to each be valued and valid, and loved.

Today, girls especially, are bombarded by messages that their bodies are not good enough. Girls with normal, healthy bodies struggle to accept themselves. My fear is that when someone asks, "what is wrong with her?" That her first messages, so young, will be- even strangers think something is wrong with me. We are working hard on this new precipice of life on which she stands. We want her to see that like a scar by an eyebrow, her button, her tubing is not her. And moreover, it is a badge of bravery and grit for all to see. She is more than the sum of her parts."

Mommy and Me

Do you remember your favorite thing to do with your mom when you were little? I do. I thought it was the best thing in the whole world when my siblings and I would gather a huge pile of books, and my mom would cuddle on the couch with us and read the WHOLE pile. I remember I was SO excited when she said we could read all of them. There was nowhere I would rather be than reading books with my mom.

I also loved when my mom would make play dough with us, let us do her hair, and build awesome snow forts for us in the winter.  

You know what would be super awesome? Having pictures of that special time together. Time passes quickly, memories fade, and there are so many details I don't remember at all.  

An "everyday" photo shoot might seem a little weird at first. No coordinated outfits, no bribing the kids to smile, and no posing. But I am so in love with these sessions because they tell the story of your life. They capture the small, seemingly insignificant details of your life that will someday become your most treasured memories. 

Welcoming Baby | The First

Spending time with this wonderful little family took me right back to when my first baby was born. It was an unbelievable, overwhelming, life changing experience. That might sound a little dramatic, but that's what it felt like! 

The first time I held my first baby in my arms I was overcome by such an intense love, and suddenly the only thing that mattered in the world was protecting her. Once I was left alone in my dark hospital room for a minute, I couldn't stop sobbing. My husband came in a few minutes later and I told him "I just never want anything bad to happen to her". I'll never forget being overcome by a parent's love for the first time. 

There is just something so special about the first. Your first time having a brand new, teeny tiny, adorable, squawking little thing dependent on you for everything. Your first time sleeping for only a few hours at a time, figuring out those tricky swaddles, dealing with diapers, and stressing over whether they are getting enough food. Your first time kissing those sweet little toes over and over again, and holding your sleeping baby on your chest. Experiencing life for the first time with a big piece of your heart living outside your body. 

I remember so well not being able to take my eyes off of my baby's face. I felt like I could stare at her for hours and never get bored. I saw that same obsessive, intense love in these brand new parents. I was so thrilled to be able to tell the story of their love for their first little baby and document this precious, life changing time for them. 

And my only regret from that cherished time with my first newborn baby? Not investing in professional, documentary style photos. I have cute posed ones, yes, (which I treasure), but I don't have pictures that really tell the story of that time in my family's life. 

Because even though you really do love all of your kids with that same intense love (promise- I've tested it), there is nothing quite like experiencing it for the first time.

To Moms, From your Photographer with Love

Dear (insert your name here),

You are a loving, dedicated mom and you spend ALL of your energy, plus some, caring for that beautiful family of yours. Your life is demanding, chaotic, and it's hard to find time for yourself. Sometimes you cry because you are so tired of laundry, dishes and needy children, and other times you cry because those kids are growing too fast and you desperately wish there was a pause button. You love that family with everything you are.

You know your kids are only little once, and you really, really want this precious time documented. You want to have beautiful pictures of their sweet little toothless smiles and dimpled hands to hold and look at when they are grown. But, you dread getting in front of the camera yourself. You might have some extra weight, hate your hair right now, or feel like your clothes aren't cute enough. Maybe you recently did something incredible like giving birth to a baby, but still feel like a swollen oompa loompa and don't want that documented. You aren't sure what to wear, and feel awkward in front of the camera. You don't want to see yourself in a photograph because you are terrified to face those imperfections staring back at you. So, sometimes it's easier just to avoid pictures altogether. 

I get it. I COMPLETELY get it. I have felt aaaallll of those things. Those feelings are very real, and very scary.

But please let me tell you what I see when I photograph you. Where you see an imperfect body, I see a strong, capable, beautiful body that has created and housed another human being, given birth, and spent almost every minute since caring for that child. What an amazing, selfless thing! I see your arms envelop your crying child and make everything right, your toddler bury his face in your chest, and your husband lovingly glance at you. I see you constantly putting your family's needs before your own. I see that to your family, you are EVERYTHING. You are the center of their world. You are beautiful. You are more than enough. 

Let me say that again. To your family, you are EVERYTHING. 

When I see you worry about the way you look, my heart aches for you. I know those feelings all too well. We, as women, are so hard on ourselves! But I want more than anything to give you my "outsider" perspective. And that perspective is full of so much love. Your worth is no way dependent on the way you look, and those "imperfections" matter so much less than you think. I know they feel like the world to you, but other people don't even notice them. What they notice is the wonderful, interesting, loving, beautiful person that you are. 

I beg of you-- please be more gentle with yourself. 

And please, get in those pictures! Play with your kids, kiss your husband, let go of your worries and laugh. Try to relax and be your wonderful self. I promise that someday you will treasure those pictures, and those memories. Looking at them will bring you right back to this precious time in your life. Because not only are your kids changing, you are changing too! Your story matters as much as theirs does. 

And if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your kids. They deserve to have pictures of you tickling them, and smothering them in kisses. Visual evidence of your love to carry with them, and show to their own kids someday.  

Whatever you do, please don't let society's definition of what you should look like rob you of precious pictures with your kids. Be visible, and document your own story. You deserve it. 

All my love,

Your Photographer 

At Home | Rockwood Family

Why do I love photographing families at home? Because of impromptu kitchen dance parties, cuddling on the couch, the chaos and laughter that comes with kids, and the occasional quiet, tender moments. Because in their own homes kids (and adults) are more comfortable to be themselves. Because I get to capture the natural family dynamics and precious moments that only happen at home. Because the pictures aren't posed, forced, or orchestrated. They are just you, and your family- as you are. Real, imperfect, and beautiful. 

20 years from now, these might just be the pictures you treasure the most. And right now, when you are still in the thick of parenting, these might be the pictures that give you more of an appreciation for the beautiful moments that make up your everyday, and remind you why you do everything you do. 

Thank you, Rockwood Family, for inviting me into your home to photograph your beautiful family- just as you are. :) 

Welcoming Baby | Hospital Session

I feel pretty safe saying there is nothing more amazing than welcoming a tiny baby into your family. Those first few days are so precious, and so fleeting. It all sort of blurs together (thanks to that no sleep thing), and goes by ridiculously fast. That's why I love documenting this time for families! 

I had so much fun getting to know the Mitchell family and hanging out with them for a few hours. I fell in love with not only this sweet little baby but her sassy big sister too! These sessions are always so unpredictable with feedings, baby being taken for testing, etc, which is why they are super laid back. I just feel like a family friend, hanging out and documenting what I see. It's the best. :) 

Do you have a baby coming soon? If you're looking for natural, candid, beautiful pictures of those precious first days- you've come to the right place! Get in touch, and let's chat about the details. I can't wait to hear from you. 

Impermanence

I was rocking my baby to sleep the other night, and trying to soak it all in. The smell of her hair, her soft skin against my face, her little beating heart. The feeling of being needed, of being able to calm her fears with my nearness. It's a pretty wonderful feeling. At the same time, a knot grew in my stomach and I pushed away the nagging thoughts that remind me this isn't going to last long. Change terrifies me. I hate the fact that these moments are fleeting, and that these babies don't stay babies. But yet, that very impermanence is what makes these moments special. The fact that life doesn't last forever is what makes the little things so significant. And let's face it, I'm not sure I could handle these crazy baby filled days forever! 

So, I took a few minutes the next afternoon to get in the picture WITH my kids. Massive laundry pile, blanket fort, mismatched outfits, messy hair and all. Because this is what my life looks like. It's not glamorous, but it sure is wonderful. And I want to remember it.

And every time those feelings of "better enjoy every second of this, because it will be gone before you know it" overwhelm me, I just remind myself to enjoy the now, but look forward to the good things to come. Because there are always good things to come.

Sidenote- a few minutes later when this fort was demolished, the laundry was still all over the floor (because I took pictures instead of folding it), and the kids were both melting down and throwing fits, a neighbor randomly came over to talk. I could hardly open the door to let her in, and couldn't stop myself from saying "This was clean this morning! It's not always like this I PROMISE!" So, yeah. Definitely not glamorous. ;)