I was rocking my baby to sleep the other night, and trying to soak it all in. The smell of her hair, her soft skin against my face, her little beating heart. The feeling of being needed, of being able to calm her fears with my nearness. It's a pretty wonderful feeling. At the same time, a knot grew in my stomach and I pushed away the nagging thoughts that remind me this isn't going to last long. Change terrifies me. I hate the fact that these moments are fleeting, and that these babies don't stay babies. But yet, that very impermanence is what makes these moments special. The fact that life doesn't last forever is what makes the little things so significant. And let's face it, I'm not sure I could handle these crazy baby filled days forever!
So, I took a few minutes the next afternoon to get in the picture WITH my kids. Massive laundry pile, blanket fort, mismatched outfits, messy hair and all. Because this is what my life looks like. It's not glamorous, but it sure is wonderful. And I want to remember it.
And every time those feelings of "better enjoy every second of this, because it will be gone before you know it" overwhelm me, I just remind myself to enjoy the now, but look forward to the good things to come. Because there are always good things to come.
Sidenote- a few minutes later when this fort was demolished, the laundry was still all over the floor (because I took pictures instead of folding it), and the kids were both melting down and throwing fits, a neighbor randomly came over to talk. I could hardly open the door to let her in, and couldn't stop myself from saying "This was clean this morning! It's not always like this I PROMISE!" So, yeah. Definitely not glamorous. ;)